MONTREAL – According to a report from the Centre for Trendy Greens, consuming Kale twice a week makes you stronger, smarter, and more smug than your peers.
“It’s really a miracle food, capable of boosting your immune system and your ego” explained Sally Lowe, PhD., the report’s lead writer.
“We’ve never seen anything like this,” she added. “Foodies have already had the swiss chard craze of 2010 and 2011’s collard green-mania but never before has a trendy green gone so mainstream.”
“It’s because of Kale’s distinctive looks,” Lowe explained. “When you eat a veggie burger, nobody can tell, so you get nothing in return for all your retching except for a few meaningless vitamins. But with Kale, everyone can tell you’re eating healthy food – they know that’s why your smoothie is green – so even if you don’t feel better, everyone also thinks you’re better.”
Now that she’s figured out the secret to Kale’s success, Lowe and her colleagues are already at work identifying next year’s in-style green.
“I don’t want to give anything away,” she said, “but 2014 is looking to be the Year of the Dandelion Green.”
