BRUSSELS – The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has mobilized 30,000 troops from European alliance ready to engage in a full scale letter writing campaign in the event of an armed conflict between Russia and Ukraine.
Speaking at a press conference, NATO’s Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen, the North Atlantic Council invoked Article 15, mobilizing the organization’s highly educated, eloquent force of letter-writing troops.
“This is an auxiliary division specially trained to shame the enemy into submission,” Rasmussen stated while presenting a condemnation letter of Russia produced by a secret NATO Special Adjectives team. “The alliance will not tolerate any further aggression against the sovereignty of Ukraine without a perfectly worded letter of concern to the Russian deputy prime minister.”
NATO vehicles containing dictionaries and thesauruses in 28 different languages rushed from Brussels to Poland to help resupply an advance party located along the Polish-Ukrainian border.
“Russia will withdraw once we demonstrate to the word that our guilt tripping letters are second to none,” said General Knud Bartels, Chairman of the NATO Military Committee from his forward operating base in a coffee shop. “Most of the veterans from our previous campaign during the invasion of Georgia are still with us.”
He then yelled “email for effect!,” sending the first volley of emails to the Kremlin.
