Timmins, ON — While temperatures across much of the country have plummeted, causing the death of a number of elderly and homeless individuals, including local man James Russell, cold weather warnings have been met with celebration by a number of residents who have staunchly opposed any and all scientific research on the subject of man-made climate change.
“If Global Warming was real, then corner store Jimmy would still be with us ” noted Graham Martin. “If it’s freezing cold where I am, then that’s definitive proof that humans haven’t affected any change in the atmosphere and Al Gore can suck it” explained the 37 year old grocery bagger and political activist.
“Maybe if someone had just told him that global warming was bullshit, he would have known to get inside and seek warmth. Then this tragedy would have been avoided” he added.
Stephen Wallace, noted climate change critic and online contributor to the Weather Network comments section, echoed Mr. Martin’s sentiment. “When the weather is cold for more than a single day in January, the only logical explanation is that CO2 emissions studies all over the world were falsified in a massive conspiracy orchestrated by liberal media elitists.”
At press time, approximately 85 000 people had made the original and humorous point that, in light of the cold temperatures, they “wished global warming would hurry up and get here already.”
