NEW YORK – The fall equinox is on September 22 but according to a new study, most yuppies believe the autumn begins when they first consume a pumpkin-spiced latte.
“People notice the change in paper cup colours more than they notice the changing of the leaves,” declared Dr. Peter Mandelbaum, PhD, the director of Starbuck’s Centre for Liquid Excellence.
For this study, Dr. Mandelbaum spent four years studying the behaviours of iPod-owning affluent white people who like to think of themselves as creative or, as he puts it, “our target market: yuppies”. Of this group, a full 90% believed pumpkin-spiced lattes were the first sign of fall and that their peppermint counterparts ushered in winter.
Laura Fields, an intern at a local ad agency explained “Astrologers are wrong about when the seasons change. Nobody feels the equinox but I feel artificial cinnamon and pumpkin syrup in the deepest recesses of my soul.”
Having cornered the market on fall and winter drinks, Mandelbaum is hoping to come up with the definitive summer latte. Current frontrunners include : Coconut Cascade, Guava-Mango-Goji-Watermelon Cleanse, and Flavorful Ice.
