TORONTO – Sources inside the 9:55 a.m. university line southbound subway have confirmed that everyone on the car does in fact, smell like shit.
“Oh god,” said legal secretary Mary Cook, as she stepped on at eglinton west, “It smells like cat urine mixed with bad tomato sauce in here.”
Other sources were quick to point out that the smell was not uniform. Jeff Ferguson for one indicated that many of the individuals at the south end of the car smelled more like a hog rendering plant, if all the pigs had farted as they were being slaughtered. But still he wondered, “what the fuck?”
Though no one could confirm exactly which passenger had the worst smell, many of the sources agreed the “shithead in the corner” with the aroma of axe body spray and recent masturbation was a strong contender.
“Either him, or that old man with the scent of a seaside village six weeks after a beached whale died at the harbour,” added Cindy Watros.
At press time, Mary, Jeff and Cindy continued to believe they did not also smell like the inside of an angry baby’s diaper, right after he was given eggs and cheese to eat for the first time.
