Earlier this week, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair confirmed that his party would run negative campaign ads against Liberal leader Justin Trudeau, targeting him for his track record of “not being that hot but only having people think he’s hot because he’s such a tramp all the time.”
“Everybody always talks about how hot Justin Trudeau is,” Mulcair said. “But we think that it’s vital for the Canadian people to know that he’s just a two-faced nobody with slutty hair.”
Trudeau supporters have fired back, saying that Mulcair is just “jealous” because progressive Canadian voters used to like him, but now have come to the realization that he’s “nothing but a beardy fattycakes.””
“Stop trying to make Cap and Trade happen,” said Liberal environment critic Kirsty Duncan. “Cap and trade is never going to happen. Or it might. We’re actually kind of unclear on that at the moment.”
NDP insiders have said that, should the attack ads fail, they would resort to feeding Trudeau weight-gain bars disguised as diet bars, replacing his shampoo with hair-removal cream, and telling people that Katimavik is secretly a fat camp.
At press time, the Harper Conservatives were still stifling dissent in the House of Commons, fostering environmental catastrophe, squandering federal funds on megaprisons, fighter jets, patrol boats, and gazebos, ignoring infrastructure crises on reserves, defunding youth programs, turning away Roma refugees, and dismantling scientific research programs and infrastructure.
