OTTAWA – In response to the recent Senate housing allowance scandal, the Harper government announced a new program that will construct residencies for senators pretending to live in the province they represent.
“The Government of Canada is enhancing accountability and infrastructure one senator at a time” Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced in front of the Senate Chamber. “Our government will invest $253 million into the Senator Housing Support Program to provide them with a residence in the province we have previously announced they always resided.”
Each residence will be approximately 3,000 square metres, with 5 bedrooms, 6 baths, a large rec room for entertaining oil executives, granite countertops, a “napping room” to make the Senators feel like they are at their seat in parliament, his and hers closets, and a cellar that locks from the outside.
Senators such as Mac Harb were excited to hear the news. “The money put into building these homes will really stimulate the local economy” the relieved Senator said. “Its nice to know I did my part in helping to create jobs in an area that I’m vaguely familiar with.”
Mike Duffy, senator for Prince Edward Island, was equally enthused. “I think its a fine use of taxpayer dollars and I very much look forward to moving into my new home in… Nova Scotia? No wait, New Brunswick? Shit, what province do I represent again?”
“Someone check the sign outside my office,” he added.
At press time, the Conservative government had spent an additional $600 million on advertisements explaining what a success the just announced program already was.
