UFA, RUSSIA – Despite their successful start to the 2012-2013 World Junior Hockey Tournament, Team Canada has been put on the defensive over accusations by other teams that they play with little to no regard for the healthcare costs caused by their physical style of play.
“There I am, minding my own business, not bothering anybody,” said American defenceman Seth Jones, “when all of a sudden this crazy Canadian guy comes up and slams me into the boards. He nearly separated my shoulder. Doesn’t he have any idea how expensive shoulder surgery is in the States?”
Jones’ sentiments were echoed by Russian dynamo, and number one overall draft pick, Nail Yakupov. “Its all well and good to play the body when the worst case scenario is you have to spend a few hours in an emergency room watching Breakfast Television and drinking a Tim Horton’s double double. In Russia, I go into the hospital and I’m lucky if the doctor doesn’t drink vodka while he operates on me.”
For their part, the Canadians showed no remorse over their approach to the game. “At the end of the day, you just have to get in there, make some plays, take your man, and trust that a properly funded and well managed public healthcare system will have your back,” expressed Jonathan Drouin.
Canada’s physical dominance may be coming to an end however, as they look towards a possible elimination round matchup with Team Sweden. “Those guys have no fear,” said forward Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. “Their healthcare system covers everything!”
