TORONTO – In a show of total lameness, officer Danny Preston found he was unable to control his woman-like stomach at the scene of a triple-homicide cult-killing yesterday afternoon.
“I asked him to get blood and semen samples from the bed in the kid’s room and suddenly he starts losing his lunch all over his shoes,” reported lead detective, Devlin Wilkes. “What a pussy.”
Preston’s superior officer, Sergeant Dows, also weighed in on the issue: “It was standard operating procedure,” said Dows. “All we did was walk in, got our coffee, confronted the physical embodiment of mankind’s growing inhumanity, considered how insignificant our attempts at ‘justice’ truly are in such an uncaring universe and then broke for lunch. That boy needs to find his balls.” At press time, Officer Preston had passed out after busting a dog-fighting ring, the fucking pansy.
