THE LOST CITY OF TORONTO – Archaeologists from Simon Fraser University have uncovered the remains of an ancient transportation system below the surface of Canada’s largest settlement, in wh…
Tag: ttc
TTC suggests passengers just ‘buy a fucking car already’
TORONTO – Overwhelming customer complaints regarding long delays and crumbling infrastructure have prompted the TTC to suggest to its unhappy customer base “to grow up” and “buy a fucking c…
York University: University Reviews 2013
Name: York University Nickname: Ol’ U of TTC Motto: “The Detroit of Universities” History: Founded in 1959 by a group of zoning fetishists who wanted a university that was located in Toronto in o…
Report: Everyone on subway has B.O.
TORONTO – Sources inside the 9:55 a.m. university line southbound subway have confirmed that everyone on the car does in fact, smell like shit. “Oh god,” said legal secretary Mary Cook, as …
TIFF UPDATE: Real celebrities show Canadian celebrities how it’s done
TORONTO – At Canada’s biggest entertainment event of the year, attendees are reporting that our country’s celebrities are being outdone by their American counterparts. “I was standing outsi…
TTC driver blames ‘shitty fucking TTC’ for being late to work
TORONTO – Longtime TTC streetcar driver Morris Stollery was late to start his shift on Wednesday, a fact he blamed on Toronto’s poor public transportation system. “The transit s…
Machismo exhibited by not holding pole in subway car
TORONTO – Local commuter Jeff Saunders impressed passengers on a subway car when he abstained from holding the pole as the train came to a halt, sources reported last week. As the subway de…
Dejected Rob Ford builds model subway line linking basement rec room to basement storage room
TORONTO – Despite pleas from all his sane family members not to go through with it, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has invested thousands of household dollars to build a model subway line linking h…
Construction begins on Toronto’s Canal Transit System
TORONTO – Following years of budgetary concerns and disputes over the best way to retrofit Toronto’s public transit system, construction for the first line of Toronto’s new Canal Transit Sy…
TTC Union and makers of Grand Theft Auto team up to create realistic video game full of delays
OAKVILLE, ON – Rockstar Games, famous for its critically acclaimed “Grand Theft Auto” video game series, has teamed up with the Toronto Transit Commission workers’ union to crea…
