TORONTO – Despite being certain that he had finally found the missing subway token in his jacket pocket, local man Ryan Malan discovered it was, yet again, nothing but a dime. “I looked in …
Tag: transit
Men’s Right groups protest removal of penis-shaped map at Downsview bus station
TORONTO – After TTC officials took down a penis-shaped map of the bus terminal at Downsview station, members of the National Coalition of Men announced a sit-in to protest the continuing war on p…
Subway tunnel workers just going to pretend they didn’t find that chamber of skulls
TORONTO – Workers on the Spadina subway extension who discovered an enormous subterranean chamber of skulls this morning say that they’re just going to seal it back up and move on with thei…
Mayor takes ceremonial first leak on new bus stop
OSHAWA, ON – To commemorate the new bus stop being built on Rossland Road, Mayor John Henry unzipped his fly, and took the ceremonial first urination on the back wall of the stop. “I hope t…
Leader of rat colony disgusted by TTC overcrowding
TORONTO – After being displaced by the continuing construction work at Toronto’s Union station, the leader of Ontario’s largest rat colony today expressed his disgust at the current level o…
Otherwise compassionate man willing to trample baby to get on subway
TORONTO – Despite describing himself as a generally caring and empathic person, local man Derek Li is fully willing to crush a human infant to death with his feet if it means catching his t…
New Montreal Metro stops named ‘De Layed’, ‘De Crepid’ and ‘Du Bious’
MONTREAL – After spending $125,000 to make slight changes to 19 Metro station names, the Societe de Transport de Montreal (STM) unveiled its new stations names for the Blue Line: “De Layed,…
Olivia Chow Unveils Transit Plan: 5.2 Million–Seater Tandem Bike
Toronto mayoral candidate Olivia Chow has shaken up the race today by unveiling her official transit plan: a 5.2 million–seater tandem bike designed to accommodate every man, woman, and child in …
Report: sleeping woman on subway has been dead for 3 weeks
TORONTO – Reports from those seated around her have confirmed that the women on the subway who all assumed to have been sleeping, is in fact dead, and has been for some time. “I first start…
Archaeologists discover ancient subway buried beneath Toronto
THE LOST CITY OF TORONTO – Archaeologists from Simon Fraser University have uncovered the remains of an ancient transportation system below the surface of Canada’s largest settlement, in wh…
