LOS ANGELES – Following the lifetime ban of owner Don Sterling, the Los Angeles Clippers have announced that their new owner will be Bashar al-Assad, the current President of Syria. “…
Tag: Syria
Putin celebrates Nobel Peace Prize nomination by eating the hearts of his enemies
RUSSIA – Russian president Vladmir Putin’s peacekeeping efforts earned him a Nobel Prize nomination last week, prompting a presidential celebration that left six Chechnyan rebel leaders dea…
Local man excited the whole thing in Syria is over
MILTON – After weeks of worrying, Timothy Pond was relieved to hear the whole situation in Syria had been solved. Pond, a 46-year-old construction worker from Milton, believes the chemical disarm…
If we cherish equality, ignore Syria like Iran, Rwanda, and Darfur
BY KOFI ANNAN, FORMER SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS With the drums of war beating among Western powers, I feel it is time to bring attention to the lack of equality we are showing our S…
Putin blames Monsanto for chemical attacks
NEW YORK – Russian military intelligence has discovered that the genetic and agricultural giant Monsanto has been engaging in chemical warfare within Syria. Putin announced this discovery after r…
Western countries to rescue Syrians from chemical weapons by bombing them with normal weapons
WASHINGTON DC – Following another chemical weapons attack in the region, Western countries have intervened on behalf of Syria’s civilian population to ensure that the bombings there return …