MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin is vowing a complete and thorough cover-up into the assassination of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov using all of the Russian state security and po…
Tag: Russia
Edward Snowden sick of Vladimir Putin just wanting to hang out all the time
MOSCOW – According to sources, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is getting sick and tired of having to spend much of his day “chilling” with Russian President, Vladimir Putin. Snowden, who …
Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’
NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…
World’s nations ask if it’s too late to boycott Sochi Olympics
WASHINGTON – In response to increased Russian support of Ukrainian rebels, a coalition of world powers have announced that they will inquire whether it is too late to boycott the Sochi Winter Oly…
Baird threatens to send adrift Canadian warship in Russia’s general direction
KYIV – Foreign Minister John Baird has threatened to deploy the adrift warship HMCS Protecteur in the general direction of Russian waters if Russia does not pull its troops out of the Crime…
Olympics update: HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY
SOCHI, RUSSIA – HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKE…
Canadian women’s hockey team apologizes for comeback
SOCHI, RUSSIA – The Canadian women’s hockey team captured gold in a stunning overtime win over the Americans and promptly apologized for the comeback victory. “We’re real sorry …
Russian Olympic security apologizes in advance for Sidney Crosby’s concussion
SOCHI, RUSSIA – Sources inside the Russian security ministry are sending their deepest apologies to the Canadian Men’s Olympic Hockey team for the upcoming concussion soon-to-be sustained b…
Olympic luger can’t wait to luge the fuckin’ luge out of luge track
Canadian Olympic Luger Mitchel Malyk announced today that he was “totally luged-up” to perform in the one-man luge at the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics. “Honestly, I’ve been luging my whole…
Putin hires Cossacks to protect Sochi from terrorists, Prussians
Sochi, Russia – Following a number of high profile security threats, Russian President Vladimir Putin has retained the services of hundreds of Cossacks, once the fabled horse-backed soldier…