TORONTO – Although he was by all accounts a bad mayor and a deeply flawed person, the nation has been surprised to find itself bereft by the loss of one of its most notable public figures. …
Tag: rob ford
Rob Ford signs multi-thousand dollar tracksuit sponsorship deal
TORONTO — Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford has just announced a lucrative multi-thousand dollar tracksuit deal with Adidas. After recently having signed NBA heartthrob James Harden, Adidas’ is…
Harper forced to ask Ford brothers to eat chicken wings more quietly at campaign appearance
ETOBICOKE, ON – During a speech in front of over a hundred supporters yesterday morning, Prime Minister Harper had to pause several times to ask Rob and Doug Ford to eat their chicken wings…
John Tory strategically votes for John Tory
TORONTO – Toronto mayoral candidate John Tory has chosen not to vote for his first choice for mayor and voted for himself instead. “It was a tough decision, but we can’t afford another four…
Drug user replaced by drug dealer in Toronto mayoral race
TORONTO – Notorious drug user Rob Ford has stepped down from his mayoral candidacy and been replaced by his brother, notorious drug dealer Doug Ford. “Torontonians want someone discreet, wh…
Rob Ford’s sobriety coach enters rehab to work on anger issues
TORONTO – Hours after he lashed out and kicked a shirtless protester, Rob Ford’s sobriety coach Bob Marier checked himself into rehab to address his anger management issues and bad press. M…
Misinformed Canadian high school students remember Canada’s sacrifice on Vietnam beach
HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years a…
Doug Ford blames Autism Youth Home comments on Rob Ford’s alcoholism
TORONTO – After alleging that a youth home helping children cope with autism was “ruining the neighbourhood” City Councillor Doug Ford took full responsibility for his comments today, by bl…
Rob Ford: ‘Rehab is amazing – my favourite part is Space Mountain’
TORONTO – Speaking from an undisclosed location, embattled mayor Rob Ford told the Toronto Sun’s Joe Warmington that “rehab is amazing” and that he “went on Pirates of the Caribbean like th…
BREAKING: The Beaverton has received a videotape of Rob Ford not smoking crack
TORONTO – In a shocking twist, The Beaverton has received an exclusive video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford not smoking crack cocaine, stumbling drunkenly, or shouting any ethnic slurs. In spite…