TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Pat…
Tag: religion
God makes surprise appearance at World Pride parade
TORONTO – As the World Pride parade drew to a close on Sunday, crowds received a special treat when the Creator of the Universe unexpectedly arrived on a specially designed float. “Wh…
Fred Phelps surprised heaven is so hot
THE AFTERLIFE – Fred Phelps, the recently deceased founder of the hyper-conservative Westboro Baptist Church, was shocked today to find God’s Kingdom so uncomfortably hotrelig “Well, golly,…
Utah legalizes homophobic marriage
SALT LAKE CITY — Following a landmark ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court earlier this week, Utah will continue to grant thousands of openly homophobic couples the right to wed. “It’s a huge relie…
Jewish coworker given menorah for Secret Santa
LONDON, ON – During the office’s yearly exchange of Secret Santa gifts, Daniel Cohen, a Jewish HR manager, received one small menorah from associate-VP of marketing, Karen Welsh. “Well isn…
Report: Hanukkah is 8 days long to allow for alternate spellings
NEW YORK – Judaism’s oldest mystery was solved on Wednesday when the Rabbinical Council revealed that Hanukkah is 8 days long to accommodate all of the holiday’s potential english spellings…
Russell Brand image on toast just Jesus again
PRINCE GEORGE – Thousands of faithful were disappointed to find out that the first sighting of Russell Brand on a piece of toast was Jesus, as usual. Jenna Anderson, 42, was preparing the t…
Wait, if we get rid of religious headwear, then how will we know who to discriminate against?
BY PAULINE MAROIS Fellow citizens of la Belle Province, let me begin with an appeal to my record as premier. You elected me based on my platform of not being Jean Charest. And haven’t I done exac…
New Catholic cereal contains 50% of your daily recommended moral fibre
THE HOLY SEE – The Catholic Church has released a new breakfast cereal, Eucharisps, that contains 50% of your daily moral fibre. The church claims the crispy wafer-chip cereal is blessed, infalli…
Local atheist converted by hot Jehovah’s Witness
REGINA – Despite having spent most of his life professing his antipathy for Abrahamic religions and staunchly denying the existence of any sort of deity, yesterday local atheist Hank Tremb…