OTTAWA – In a press release today, the RCMP updated its Must Watch List for 2018, with Netflix’s Ozark taking the top spot. “After receiving intel that Ozark is really good from my cousin T…
Tag: RCMP
RCMP tech crime unit asks Canadians to consider all sharing one flip-phone
OTTAWA – In the wake of a series of high-profile hacks in the United States that led to terabytes worth of private data being made public, the RCMP tech crime unit has released a statement …
RCMP to investigate white collar crime after discovering minorities commit these crimes too
Miguel and Emma investigate the RCMP’s very…specific reason for their newfound interest in white collar crime.…
RCMP report dickheaded Canada geese greatest threat to national security
OTTAWA — RCMP Commissioner Bob Paulson has declared asshole Canadian geese are the largest security threat facing the country. “Canadians are more likely to be attacked by these dangerous w…
RCMP accidentally deploy Musical Ride during hostage negotiations
Pulteney, AB – In a police-related mix up, RCMP unwittingly deployed the Mounties famed Musical Ride to a hostage situation in rural Alberta. Police surrounded an isolated farmhouse after r…
RCMP spying on journalists?
Donavon VS the RCMP.…
Female Muslim Mounties can now wear hijab while being sexually harassed by co-workers
OTTAWA – The RCMP announced a crucial step forward in the organization’s quest for diversity, as Muslim women in uniform will now be allowed to wear their traditional headscarves as they re…
Stephane Dion finally tracks down Onix in Parliamentary Library
OTTAWA – After looking for hours, Minister of Global Affairs Stephane Dion has finally captured the Onix in the Parliamentary Library. “Yes!” exclaimed the former Liberal leader as held his…
ISIS takes credit after Saleem accidentally totals Dave’s car
MISSISSAUGA, ON – The Islamic State-affiliated news agency has released a bulletin claiming responsibility, after Saleem accidentally totaled Dave’s car on the way home from sushi last nigh…
Tories: Assault on Muslim would never had happened if attacker had access to barbaric practices hotline
OTTAWA – The Official Opposition has claimed that an attack on a Muslim woman in a London, Ontario grocery store could have been prevented if the accused had access to a Barbaric Cultural P…