NATIONWIDE – From the minds that brought you Shark Week, comes an entirely original week-long thrill about accidentally pooping when passing gas, called Shart Week. “There I was, alone in t…
Tag: Kevin O’Leary
Oddly hostile entrepreneur pitches Dragons’ Den his business idea for paying off politicians’ campaign debts
TORONTO – Last night’s episode of Dragons’ Den got a bit confrontational after none of the Dragons expressed an interest in Devin O’Kerry’s idea for a business whose sole purpose would be t…
Conservative Leadership Convention anxiously awaits swimsuit competition
TORONTO — The Conservative Leadership Convention has officially commenced in Ontario’s capital and attendees are waiting with great anticipation for the most important event during the two-…
O’Leary will continue marketing campaign by launching NDP leadership bid
TORONTO – Reality TV star and former Conservative leadership candidate Kevin O’Leary has announced that he will be running for the NDP leader in an effort continue advertising and selling h…
Canada to Kevin O’Leary: “I’m out”
OTTAWA – After a four month long pitch to Canada’s panel of esteemed Conservative voters, the business savvy nation stated that Kevin O’Leary’s purported valuation was “way off” and that th…
If elected Prime Minister, Kevin O’Leary vows to visit Canada at least 4 times per year
BOSTON — Conservative party leader hopeful and Bostonian Kevin O’Leary says that if elected Prime Minister, he promises to come back to Canada at least 4 times a year. “I hope to get more i…
Political cartoonist under mistaken impression that political cartoonists have never been more important
OTTAWA – Robert Belmont, a cartoonist who contributes editorial cartoons to several major newspapers, incorrectly believes that political cartoonists have never been more important than the…
BREAKING: Investigation into vote buying reveals Conservative Party has no real members
OTTAWA – An investigation into vote buying allegations in the Conservative leadership race has led to the discovery that the Conservative Party currently has zero members. “We thought it wa…
Kevin O’Leary vows to prioritize mediocrity over diversity
OTTAWA – A day after declaring the prime minister’s cabinet was mediocre because ‘diversity’ was prioritized, Kevin O’Leary has vowed to prioritize mediocrity instead. “If elected, I will e…
O’Leary slams Edmonton debate as “terribly bilingual”
BOSTON – Conservative leadership hopeful Kevin O’Leary announced this week that he would not participate in the party’s upcoming candidates’ debate in Edmonton, denouncing the event as “terribly …