SILICON VALLEY – In a paradigm-changing announcement, Apple has confirmed that the new version of the iPhone will come already knowing everything there is to know about the unpleasant thing…
Tag: iPhone
Apple’s latest iPhone disturbingly optimized for tiny, raccoon-sized hands
SAN FRANCISCO – With the traditional fanfare that accompanies all new Apple products, Apple has officially released the iPhone 8. The phone features faster processing speeds, an improved ca…
RCMP tech crime unit asks Canadians to consider all sharing one flip-phone
OTTAWA – In the wake of a series of high-profile hacks in the United States that led to terabytes worth of private data being made public, the RCMP tech crime unit has released a statement …
iPhone autocorrecting words to ‘ALL HAIL THE GRAVE KING’ again
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple shares took a dip today, as iPhones worldwide once again began to autocorrect messages to read ‘ALL HAIL THE GRAVE KING’. “Hey, are you going to the ALL HAIL THE GRAVE…
Waterproof iPhone 7 causes Uncle Ben’s Rice stock to fall
Mars Inc., the food and beverage conglomerate, saw its share price plummet 28% this morning after a preliminary fourth quarter earnings report revealed that sales of its subsidiary Uncle Ben’s Ri…
Report: 100% of wireless Apple headphones already lost between couch cushions
SAN FRANCISCO – Following today’s Apple keynote announcement of their iPhone 7 featuring new wireless headphones, Apple users have reported that 100% of the new “AirPods” have been lost in …
Local woman completes purse collection with wristlet retrieved from booby-trapped temple in Peru
MARKHAM, ON — Local woman Sara Summers recently added the finishing touch to a stunning personal collection of purses: a purple pastel wristlet retrieved from a booby-trapped temple in Peru…
Blackberry stock rises on report nation’s dads still can’t figure out iPhone
TORONTO – Blackberry stock closed at its highest level in months today after a national report released by McGill University indicated that Canadian fathers are still too stubborn to learn how an…
Apple vows to stop FBI from corrupting exploitation monopoly
CUPERTINO, CALIF. – In an open letter to consumers, Apple CEO Tim Cook promised to fight a recent court order forcing the company to assist the FBI in hacking San Bernadino shooter Sayed Farook’s…
63% of Canadians opposed to non-existent government program that gives Syrian refugees free iPhones
VANCOUVER – A new study by the Conservative leaning Fraser Institute has found that a sizable majority of Canadians do not agree with the government plan to give Syrian refugees free iPhone…