MOSCOW – According to sources, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is getting sick and tired of having to spend much of his day “chilling” with Russian President, Vladimir Putin. Snowden, who …
Tag: Gym
Fat guy, plus-sized woman walk through park holding hands
TORONTO – Observers at a local park yesterday watched as a really fat man walked holding hands with a curvaceous woman. “They were possibly a couple,” said one witness of the balding, overw…
11 year-olds in tree house divided over ‘no girls’ policy
VANCOUVER – Controversy has struck the tree fort in Jeffrey Lewis’s backyard following the implementation of a ‘no girls’ rule. “It’s my fort and I say no girls!” said Lewis. “I don’t even …
Screw it, we’re all going to die anyway
By Rona Ambrose, Minister of Health I was sitting on a panel discussing assisted suicide the other day when I came to a startling realization. I’ve been totally gypped. At first I thought, wow, m…
Misinformed Canadian high school students remember Canada’s sacrifice on Vietnam beach
HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years a…
Local woman walks to gym to walk on treadmill
HAMILTON – A 55 year-old local woman has been taking regular outdoor walks to the gym so she can walk on a treadmill. Margaret Antonin strolls nearly two kilometers to her local GoodLife gy…
Kim Jung-un boasts to West about North Korea’s record low obesity rate
PYONGYANG – North Korea’s supreme leader Kim Jong-un has bragged to Western leaders about his country’s resoundingly low obesity rate. “The Americans tremble at the ferocity of our citizens…
Nation’s moms really looking forward to ice dancing portion of Winter Olympic Games
Winkler, MB — Admitting that they didn’t much care for any of the other televised sporting events, the nation’s mothers told reporters this week that they simply cannot wait to watch all the ice …
Putin hires Cossacks to protect Sochi from terrorists, Prussians
Sochi, Russia – Following a number of high profile security threats, Russian President Vladimir Putin has retained the services of hundreds of Cossacks, once the fabled horse-backed soldier…
Students find artificial intelligence more useful than actual intelligence
HALIFAX – As students head back to class, they are increasingly aware that the biggest determinant of academic success is the amount of technology that they use. Alphonso Stubler, 22, is an Archi…