OTTAWA, ON― Representatives for Loblaw, Metro, and Empire have responded with enthusiasm to Justin Trudeau’s recent ultimatum requiring them to curb inflation, which is now running at 4%. “We wan…
Tag: Grocery Store
Local man jonesing for raw thrill of touching fruit he’s not going to buy
OTTAWA – After almost half a year of self-isolating, social distancing, and mask-wearing, Ottawa local Grant Thompson confessed that the thing he misses most from his life before Covid was the al…
Millennials applaud new PC Optimum points as the only retirement plan they can afford
TORONTO – After recently buying Shoppers Drug Mart, Loblaw’s has merged the nation’s two most popular consumer loyalty points programs into the PC Optimum points program, finally giving mil…
Tipsy Kathleen Wynne urges grocery store shoppers to take off clothes, “get weird”
TORONTO – Appearing at a downtown Toronto grocery store selling beer for the first time since the province privatized sales, a visibly intoxicated Kathleen Wynne urged shoppers to join her in dis…
Renegade stock clerk has big plans for aisle three
PEMBROKE, ON – Loblaws stock clerk Jeremy Brenton was quite vocal this morning with both customers and passersby regarding his “huge plans” for the store’s Aisle Three. Brenton was overheard mumb…