FORT McMURRAY, AB – Teck Resources Ltd have pulled their application to the Canadian government for a massive $20 billion oil sands mine in northern Alberta after a shocking study by the co…
Tag: Featured Post
“Blockades will accomplish nothing,” says man who accomplishes nothing
TORONTO – After an exhausting 2 minutes of researching on Twitter, local space occupier Kyle Turner has claimed that the Wet’suwet’en solidarity blockades will accomplish nothing. “I don’t …
Roger Stone sentenced to wait several days for presidential pardon
WASHINGTON, DC – After being found guilty of seven counts of lying to Congress, obstruction and witness tampering, Trump adviser Roger Stone has been sentenced to prison for up to several d…
New Ontario license plates passed rigorous testing by drug dealers in unlit parking lot
TORONTO – The Ontario Minister of Government Services Lisa Thompson responded to critics of the new unreadable Ontario license plate by saying that they were rigorously tested at the Queens…
TTC unveils new elite fare enforcement SWAT team
TORONTO – As part of the war against fare evaders the TTC unveiled its new elite unit of fare enforcers. “Each member of our unit, codenamed the Red Rocket Berets, has extensive train…
Frustrated CN execs complain blockades have delayed dozens of oil tanker derailments
SASKATOON – Executives at CN have demanded the federal government take immediate action against protesters so it can resume derailing oil tankers. The train-wreck industry, a vital componen…
Trudeau: We must acknowledge the sacred sovereignty of Canada’s oil and gas companies
OTTAWA – Calling for calm amid protests over the construction of a pipeline through Wet’suwet’en territory, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reminding Canadians of the sacred an…
Tax-cheating drunk driver furious about protesters not respecting the rule of law
VANCOUVER – Walter Cline, a man who knowingly cheats on his taxes every single year and drives drunk several times a month, thinks it’s just disgusting that some people have broken the law …
Local woman celebrates Valentine’s Day by refusing to speak to any man dead or alive
Niagara, ON – Today 29-year-old Marcia Fitzgibbons discovered a novel approach to celebrating Valentine’s Day while single: completely icing out every last man on this godforsaken earth, an…
Bombardier ask for another $3.7 billion to study the effects of government money going through a jet engine
MONTREAL – Executives at Bombardier Inc. have asked the federal and provincial governments for another $3.7 billion in government grants and subsidies for a special research project whereby…
