NEW YORK CITY – At a special meeting of the full United Nations, the countries of the world came together and resolved to buy America a “pretty cool gift” if it chooses not to r…
Tag: Featured Post
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
WHITEHORSE – The people of Yukon refused to turn their clocks back an hour today in clear defiance of the goddess Demeter. This has sparked concern from the priests and priestesses in charg…
Canadian vampires can’t agree if blood should come in bags, jugs, or cartons
CALGARY – Canada’s vampire community is once again embroiled in the age-old question of whether it’s more Canadian to drink blood from a bag, a jug, or a carton. “I think it all comes down …
Chef Boyardee rebrands to “Depression Chow”
MILTON, PA – The popular meal-adjacent product Chef Boyardee has announced its plan to simply rebrand to “Depression Chow.” Marketing director Joshua Alden explained that the change coincid…
Doug Ford vows to find budget cut that will stop COVID
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced on Monday that he will stem the rising number of COVID cases by implementing a strategy that has always worked for his administration in the pa…
Senator Lynn Beyak: I didn’t know donating to Trump was illegal, I thought it was just racist
OTTAWA – Senator Lynn Beyak is in trouble once again, but she wants to assure the Canadian public who pay her $157,600 yearly salary that breaking American election law was never her intent…
Baby’s first word is “CRA is experiencing longer than normal call volume…”
MONCTON – Local baby, Margaret O’Connor-Williams, has reportedly uttered “CRA is experiencing longer than normal call volume” as her first word due to her parents having been on hold with t…
Study: 90% of Canadians unable to say name Fabricland without immediately repeating it faster and louder
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has found that, thanks to radio and tv jingles, the vast majority of Canadians are unable to say the name of cloth merchant Fabricland wit…
NASA announces the Moon will soon activate all the werewolves “just because it can”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American National Aeronautics and Space Administration held a press conference today to announce their discovery that the Moon will soon be forcing every lycanthrope …
Representation win! This Hallmark movie will feature the whitest, straightest-looking gay couple
Hamilton, ON – In a landmark move towards representation and inclusion, the network behind beloved holiday movies that traditionally centre around heterosexual romances, will now feature th…
