In this special preview of The Beaverton‘s first episode, Emma Hunter and Miguel Rivas provide complete coverage of the 2016 Presidential election. Donald Trump has won the Presidenc…
Tag: Donald Trump
Nation’s parents wake up to tell kids elaborate, four-year lie
WASHINGTON, DC – After waking up and fretting this morning’s conversation at the breakfast table, approximately 150 million American parents stammered their way through roughly the exact sa…
Obituary for America
Sad news from Washington as the United States of America was found dead yesterday.…
Armed poll-watcher forgets to vote
ASHE COUNTY, NC – After spending a full 13 hours standing next to his local polling station holding an AR-15, Arliss Connaught has suddenly realized that he forgot to vote. “Well shoot,” sa…
After record ratings, CNN renews 2016 U.S. election for second season
ATLANTA – Only one day before the season finale CNN has announced it is renewing the 2016 presidential election for a second season in 2017. “Although American Democracy has been a tv insti…
Report: 90% of Canadians plan to spend U.S. election day rocking back and forth while moaning softly
OTTAWA – A recent survey has revealed that 9 out of every 10 Canadians will spend the entirety of November 5 experiencing a moderate to severe panic attack, manifesting itself in curling in…
Which character from Friends would vote for Donald Trump?
For us 90s kids, Friends was the show that taught us how to live, laugh and love, as well as convinced us that only white people live in New York City. Though the show may be gone, the good times…
5 sexy joke Halloween costumes to spark an evening of ironic intercourse
Halloween. Pumpkins. Candy. Fun parties. And sex you as woman would otherwise feel shame for seeking out. Check out our Halloween guide below to make your perfect costume for trick-or-treating yo…
Melania Trump reassures nation husband has moral agency of small boy
NEW YORK — In an interview yesterday with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Melania Trump sought to calm public concern about her husband’s attitude toward sexual assault by reminding voters that he has the…
SOURCES: Canadian healthcare could take care of Trump’s sniffles
OTTAWA – After presidential candidate Donald Trump remarked that the Canadian healthcare system was “catastrophic,” experts at Health Canada say Trump’s constant sniffling could easily be t…
