HALIFAX – While visiting his retired parents, William MacInnis was flabbergasted to discover a single jar of pickles which, unlike every single other product in the house, did not bear the …
Tag: Costco
Doug Ford moves Ontario’s Legislative Assembly to the back of a Costco
TORONTO – Carrying on with his party’s plan to make every government office operate out of an American chain store, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that provincial parliament …
Ford exempts large US retailers from lockdown, but encourages Ontarians to “blame locally”
QUEEN’S PARK – While refusing to consider paid sick leave or lockdown restrictions on US retailers like WalMart and Costco to COVID, Ontario Premier Doug Ford encouraged Ontarians to contin…
Screaming child becomes official mascot of Costco
ISSAQUAH, WA – Wholesale retailer Costco has unveiled the screaming child as the mascot for all of its stores. After extensive research, a child having a catastrophic meltdown without cause…
It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos
By: Aaron Buck The snow has arrived and with it, the approaching holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply use the cold weather to get close with family and friends, wh…
Costco kiosks offering free sample tastes of bleach
ISSAQUAH, WA – Interested in expanding the selection of products customers may taste before purchasing in bulk, Costco kiosks across North America have begun to offer delicious free samples of bl…
5 caskets purchased in bulk for funeral of Costco founder
MEDINA, WA – Costco co-founder Jeffrey Brotman was laid to rest last week in one of the caskets purchased in bulk found on aisle 27 near the coffee grinders and hot tubs. According to mourn…
Costco offers discount on 50-pack of hepatitis A vaccines
PETERBOROUGH — Following the recall of a frozen berry blend potentially contaminated with hepatitis A, Costco is offering bulk packs of vaccines at a discounted price. The 50-pack of hepati…
Report: the Costco free sample people are starting to recognize you
LAVAL, QC — An urgent report has been issued stating that the people who hand out the free samples at Costco are starting to remember you. Researchers confirmed that attempts to make yourse…
Local slacker asks girlfriend to be common-law fiancé
REGINA – Local slacker Jeremy Sampson recently asked Polly Peterson, his girlfriend of four years, to enter into a common-law-engagement with him over a cup of 7-11’s fanciest Ramen noodles…