RED DEER – Premier Jason Kenney has said he intends to pass legislation that will remove the ability of municipalities to enforce their own mask mandates, thereby forcing freedom onto millions of…
Tag: Calgary
Sean Chu thought City Council would be cool about sexual assault like former precinct
CALGARY- After announcing he would not be stepping down as Ward 4 Councilor amid protests over his 1997 sexual assault of a minor, Sean Chu said he is deeply disappointed that his current coworke…
Protesters outside of hospital apparently unaware of where laws are made
CALGARY – According to eyewitnesses, a group of anti-vaccine mandate protestors outside of the Foothills Medical Centre appear thoroughly confused as to where or even how Canada passes laws…
Alberta punishes frontline workers with free Stampede tickets
CALGARY – Alberta’s doctors, restaurant employees, and other frontline workers will receive free Stampede tickets this year, punishing them for their crucial role in combating COVID. “First the g…
Calgary fans celebrate highlight of Flames’ season
CALGARY – After a long, gruelling season, Flames fans were finally able to celebrate a true victory when the Edmonton Oilers were shockingly swept out of the Playoffs. “You know, it&#…
Anti-maskers celebrate Daft Punk breakup
CALGARY – Anti-maskers celebrated today after the announcement that Daft Punk, pioneering electronic musicians known for monster hits like “Get Lucky” and their robot helmet aes…
Man without savings account loves to discuss his concerns about the economy
CALGARY – A local man without a savings account has discovered a new passion for ripping on the nation’s complicated, finely balanced economy. “These are dark times for investors and financ…
Conservatives discover police bad
CALGARY – In the wake of Calgary police arresting, manhandling and threatening to taser a man for violating COVID regulations while playing hockey, the right wing was shocked to discover th…
Report: man who flossed two nights in a row finally has gotten life back together
CALGARY – In a big win, 32-year-old Dave Frescos has finally managed to gather the internal strength necessary to floss for two nights in a row after weeks quarantined alone in a basement a…
Local man eyes 2010 Fun-Run t-shirt as potential toilet paper substitute
CALGARY — With only two rolls remaining and the grocery stores empty, local pipe fitter Trevor Bilton has reported considering alternative toilet paper options during his COVID-19 quarantin…