MIAMI, FL – In a stunning turn of events late yesterday, his Royal Highness the Burger King publicly announced his invocation of the ancient doctrine of prima nocta. For the uninitiated, pr…
Tag: Burger King
Burger King attempts to topple British Royal Family as most regressive monarchy
MIAMI, FL – Following the tell-all Oprah interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, fast food royalty Burger King tweeted “Women belong in the kitchen” in an attempt to overtake the Bri…
Customers pleasantly surprised to learn Subway chicken has 50% poultry DNA
TORONTO – Regular patrons of Subway restaurant were ‘delighted’ by the results of a CBC Marketplace investigation released last week that revealed that some of the food chain’s sandwi…
Recently uncovered Nostradamus quatrain predicts 7-11
SALON-DE-PROVENCE, FRANCE – An international team of archaeologists has discovered a shocking Nostradamus prophecy that seems to have foretold the events of 7-11, nearly half a millennium b…
Tim Hortons layoffs coincide with launch of new DoubleMeat Breakfast Sandwich
OAKVILLE, ON – Just hours after their parent company Burger King announced layoffs at Tim Hortons HQ, the coffee chain has announced a new, even meatier breakfast sandwich. “DoubleMeat mean…
Burger King execs still waiting in line at Tim Hortons
SARNIA, ON – A pair of Burger King executives were late for a merger meeting after being stuck in a line for over 20-minutes at a local Tim Hortons. The quick service restaurant executives …