“Don’t worry, we still have enough funds to indiscriminately bomb people on small boats near the coast of Venezuela.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood, Megan Mac…
Tag: Blue Jays
Blue Jays announce giveaway where first 15,000 fans get a family doctor
TORONTO – In an effort to sell tickets to baseball games, Blue Jays team president Mark Shapiro has announced a new giveaway where the first 15,000 fans who enter the Rogers Centre during an upco…
Report: Juan Soto in talks with Ohtani about best way to get Canadians’ hopes up before crushing their dreams
TORONTO – As rumours and speculation fly around whether or not the Blue Jays will acquire free agent and four-time All-Star Juan Soto, Soto was recently spotted talking to Shohei Ohtani abo…
Rogers promises Leafs, Raptors fans that their teams will be just as successful as current Blue Jays
TORONTO – After announcing they had acquired majority control of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, the board of Rogers Communications reassured Leafs, Raptors, TFC and Argos fans that …
Blue Jays owners shocked to discover you’re allowed to fire Front Office when team sucks every year
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, have expressed their shock at the information that they are within their rights to fire the executive team of M…
Inspiring: This man isn’t locked into a long, expensive contract with Rogers
TORONTO – While people all across the country find themselves stuck in costly, multi-year contracts with Rogers Communications, Shohei Ohtani, a professional baseball player from Ōshū, Iwate, Jap…
Blue Jays admit the only reason they made playoffs was so bigger audience could experience frustration of watching them
MINNESOTA – After a 3-1 loss to the Twins to start their 2023 Playoff campaign, members of the Toronto Blue Jays have come forward and acknowledged that they only worked hard enough to make…
Blue Jays pair ‘Jr. Jays Sundays’ with ‘Dour Childless Mondays’
TORONTO – To supplement the Toronto Blue Jays’ family-oriented Sunday afternoon games, the organisation has announced that Monday night games will now be marketed at depressed, childless singles …
Blue Jays fan times bathroom breaks for when team has runners in scoring position to ensure he doesn’t miss any action
TORONTO – Die hard Jays fan Pat Ornelas has developed a perfect strategy for when to take bathroom breaks during lengthy games without missing anything exciting: he only goes when the team …
Rogers Centre renovations include private nook where fans can tell Blue Jays mascot everything they can’t say to their dad
TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays play the 2023 season’s first home games, fans are enjoying several offseason additions to the Rogers Centre, including a new bullpen bar, a large family play ar…
