NEW YORK, NY – A wealth of statistical evidence has impelled scientists at Columbia University to blame man-made climate change on the liquefication of the final clock in Salvador Dalí’s renowned…
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Lost tribes of Amazon now ordering from Amazon
ENVIRA RIVER, BRAZIL — In a statement yesterday, representatives from the Ashaninka tribe located in a remote region of the Amazon rainforest announced to reporters that they had begun ordering i…
Everything fixed after Canadian forces in Iraq for 2 months
BAGHDAD – Despite worries from opposition leaders and high-ranking military officers that the mission would spiral well beyond its initial timeframe, the presence of Canadian special forces…
Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’
NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…
Stock market soars after banking cartel promises to keep pretending economy is real
Investors poured cash into the markets as central bank leaders from around the world met this week and announced that they would continue to maintain the illusion that the economic system was som…
ISIS recruitment campaign targets angry gamers with promise of real life war on women
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Following the GamerGate controversy and the use of online bullying and threats of violence against female game makers and journalists, ISIS has begun seeking recruits i…
White cop shoots black cop, claims victim was armed
KANSAS CITY – In yet another example of police violence against young black males, K.C. Police Officer Rodney Winthrop shot and killed 28 year old African American Jimmy Sinclair on Sunday …
World’s major deities mutually agree to give up on humans and try luck with different species
THE HEAVENS – The world’s major religious deities have mutually agreed to give up on human beings and start fresh with a new species. Citing current international atrocities and a long hist…
UPDATE: Chinese government warns that democracy may make nation more like USA
HONG KONG – Chinese leaders continued to pressure Hong Kong protestors this week, giving them strong warnings that democracy could lead the nation down a dangerous path similar to that of t…
4chan user threatens to release nude photos of mother if she cuts off allowance
REGINA – Following a threat to actress Emma Watson over her feminist speech to the UN, 4chan user BuchowskisDICK has gone on to threaten his own mother with a nude photo release should she …
