ACCRA, GH – Ten-year-old sponsor child Yoofi Nkrumah is reportedly tired of the constant nagging and micromanaging of his helicopter sponsor parent. Helen Gladstone from Toronto has been bu…
World
Palestinians recognize Texas as part of Mexico
JERUSALEM – In response to US President Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the Israeli capital, the Palestinian National Authority has announced that it will recognize Texas as a st…
After Olympic ban, Russia to stick to cheating at the foreign election level
LAUSANNE, SUI – In the wake of the International Olympic Committee’s ban on Russian athletes at next year’s Winter Olympics for doping, The Russian Federation announced that it will return …
Hello! Magazine airdrops 200,000 emergency copies to Yemeni refugees to spread word on Harry and Meghan’s engagement
ADDIS ABABA – Relief for desperate Yemeni refugees is on its way with over 200,000 copies of Hello! Magazine being airdropped containing much needed news on the engagement of Prince Harry a…
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announce their billion dollar stimulus to the UK economy
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Problem no longer in the news probably solved by now
NORTH AMERICA – After dropping out of the 24-hour news cycle several months ago, mainstream media experts are reporting that all problems across the world have been solved by now, probably.…
Settlers of Catalan declare independence, free ore and sheep for all
CATALONIA — Citizens of the Catalan region have voted to declare independence from Spain, while also promising free resource cards for all settlers. Thousands of settlers took to the street…
Japan green-lights “Gundam Seinfeld” as revenge for every shitty US anime remake
TOKYO – Earlier today the nation of Japan formally vocalized its displeasure after years of seeing countless beloved anime features ruined by Hollywood produced live-action remakes, and sta…
Donald Trump addresses UN General Assembly with face covered in wing sauce
NEW YORK – US President Donald Trump gave his much anticipated first speech to the United Nations General Assembly Tuesday, and while the speech was historic in content, it will primarily b…
God sick of shutting all these doors and opening all these fucking windows
Heaven – The omnipresent being that created all of existence is reportedly growing tired of shutting multiple doors for humans and then being expected to also open a corresponding window. “…
