PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI – Despite possessing little to no aptitude for construction, high school junior Gillian Pearce has elected to spend an entire week in Haiti with the goal of rebuilding a hos…
World
Nothing strange about Bermuda Triangle, reports man who died there sixty years ago
DALLAS, TX – There is nothing mysterious or supernatural about the Bermuda Triangle, reports Bill Ketterle, a US pilot who perished there in a plane crash in 1957. “Look, I know there are m…
Hi-tech baby toy selling data about your child’s favourite shapes to Cambridge Analytica
PALO ALTO – In only the latest privacy scandal to rock Silicon Valley, new leaks reveal that the LeapPad learning tablet has been selling information about your child’s favourite shapes to right …
Trudeau responds to escalating trade war by mobilizing nation’s Settlers of Catan players
OTTAWA – In addition to new levies on American goods, Justin Trudeau has reacted to US President Trump’s escalating trade war by calling in Canada’s most skilled players of Settlers of Cata…
G7 Meeting: Putin’s envoy calls Trudeau ‘very dishonest and weak’ on US tariffs
LA MALBAIE, QC – Russia’s diplomatic envoy Donald Trump expressed his frustrations to Twitter to call Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on tariffs on US products. The Russian represent…
Netanyahu: Gaza border protesters were attempting to acquire pebbles of mass destruction
JERUSALEM – Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that he has definitive proof that Gaza protesters were attempting to acquire pebbles of mass destruction, which justified…
Suits actor Meghan Markle to marry man living off government assistance
WESTMINSTER – Actress Meghan Markle, who is best known from the television series Suits, is engaged to Henry Charles Albert David who, along with many of his family, is living on government…
Trump announces re-launch of Iranian nuclear weapons program
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has announced that he will be re-launching Iran’s stalled nuclear weapons program after years of very little progress. “Iran deserves another shot at …
Old guy in hostel wants to know what you’re up to tonight
PRAGUE – Sources inside Sr. Toby’s Hostel have advised that Petrov, the white haired man who has been hanging out in the common area every time you’ve been it, would like to know what your …
Oops! Netanyahu accidentally revealed Israel’s secret nuclear arsenal instead of evidence on Iran’s program
There was a big mix-up in Israel yesterday after the Prime Minister’s theatrical presentation on Iran’s super secret nuclear threat featured intelligence reports and images of Israel’s super secr…
