TORONTO – When Mercury is in retrograde, it appears as though the planet closest to the sun is orbiting the Earth backwards. This phenomenon has become a catchall explanation for why people…
World
Trump announces do-over after media calls no takesy-backsies
WASHINGTON D.C. – The White House has announced that Vladimir Putin will be visiting Donald Trump in the United States this fall. Only days after the duo’s Helsinki summit ended with Trump …
Canada deploys 250 passive-aggressive peacekeepers to Mali
GAO – The twin rotors from the Chinook helicopters brought up red dust in their wake as the helicopters carrying the lead contingent of Canada’s UN passive-aggressive peacekeeping force lan…
America divided over meeting between their leader and President Trump
HELSINKI, FINLAND- Tensions continue to rise in America in the wake of a private meeting between President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, Supreme Ruler of the United States. Supreme Ruler Putin…
England demands referendum on World Cup semi-final results
LONDON – The British government is proposing yet another referendum, this time on whether to accept the results of the semi-final match between England and Croatia. Proponents of the refere…
Pro-Brexit ministers do second smaller Brexit from Parliament
LONDON – Several pro-Brexit Secretaries in the British government have shockingly announced their intentions to stage another “mini Brexit”, this time from their duties in Parliament. Forei…
High school student to lend minimal construction skills to Haiti
PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI – Despite possessing little to no aptitude for construction, high school junior Gillian Pearce has elected to spend an entire week in Haiti with the goal of rebuilding a hos…
Nothing strange about Bermuda Triangle, reports man who died there sixty years ago
DALLAS, TX – There is nothing mysterious or supernatural about the Bermuda Triangle, reports Bill Ketterle, a US pilot who perished there in a plane crash in 1957. “Look, I know there are m…
Hi-tech baby toy selling data about your child’s favourite shapes to Cambridge Analytica
PALO ALTO – In only the latest privacy scandal to rock Silicon Valley, new leaks reveal that the LeapPad learning tablet has been selling information about your child’s favourite shapes to right …
Trudeau responds to escalating trade war by mobilizing nation’s Settlers of Catan players
OTTAWA – In addition to new levies on American goods, Justin Trudeau has reacted to US President Trump’s escalating trade war by calling in Canada’s most skilled players of Settlers of Cata…
