WASHINGTON D.C. – Inspired by the recent mass shooting in an Orlando gay nightclub, Senate Democrats, led by Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn.), launched a filibuster to demand new gun control law…
U.S.
Gawker bankruptcy delays inevitable release of Trump dick pic
NEW YORK – In the wake of a $140 million dollar judgement stemming from a lawsuit against former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, Gawker Media has been forced to file for Chapter 11 Bankru…
NRA unveils new semi-automatic rifle that shoots thoughts and prayers
FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA – Responding to the latest mass shooting that has rocked the United States, the National Rifle Association today unveiled a new AR-15 assault rifle whose ammunition will b…
Bison named US national mammal, narrowly beating out Texas-style BBQ bison
CHARLOTTE, NC – The bison, with its majestic dignity and great historical significance, was chosen as America’s national mammal last Friday, beating out a close runner-up and popular favour…
Sanders staying in race just to keep 20-year-old college student inspired
Burlington, Vermont – Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders is remaining in the Democratic Primary race despite the little chance he has at winning so he can continue to inspire a bright-eyed…
Trump receives concession call from someone named “John Kasich”
WASHINGTON – Presumptive republican presidential nominee Donald Trump was interrupted during a foreign policy briefing by a concession phone call from an individual named “John Kasich”, who…
Ted Cruz raptured early
INDIANAPOLIS — Following a fierce primary battle, Senator Ted Cruz was rewarded for his staunch support of anti-abortion, anti-immigrant and anti-gay policies by being lifted away from worl…
Trump demands to see long form copy of Clinton’s woman card
NEW YORK — During an interview on the Today show, Republican candidate Donald Trump once again accused Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton of playing the “woman’s card” to her advantage in…
Carly Fiorina instantly drives Cruz campaign into bankruptcy
WASHINGTON, DC — Republican primary candidate Ted Cruz announced yesterday that he will name fired Hewlett Packard C.E.O. Carly Fiorina as his running mate, moments before she drove his cam…
Cruz, Kasich announce joint plan to go back in time to stop Donald Trump from being born
WASHINGTON, D.C. — GOP Presidential Candidates Ted (“Teddy”) Cruz and John (“Johnny”) Kasich have announced that they will put aside their differences in order to travel back in time and st…
