MANHATTAN – President-elect Donald Trump has reported being visited by, and subsequently ordering the deportation of, the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come. The visitations…
U.S.
Trump appoints Kanye West to Secretary of Caring About Black People
NEW YORK – After a meeting this week, followed by a flurry of rumours and speculation, U.S. President-elect Donald J. Trump has named Kanye West as Secretary of Caring About Black People. B…
America outraged at Russia: ‘manipulating foreign elections is our thing!’
Outrage in America this weekend as the CIA confirmed that Russia did in fact influence the results of the 2016 election. Not only is the US worried about it’s security, they are real…
Trump ‘thank you’ tour begins with stop at Macedonian fake news website
VELES – President-elect Donald Trump kicked off his tour to celebrate and thank the people who helped him get elected with a special stop at the Macedonian fake news website that had tricke…
Trump shatters racist image by giving Urban Development job to only black friend
NEW YORK – In a move that supporters insist shows he’s not the racist critics accuse him of being, U.S. President–elect Donald Trump has offered the nation’s Secretary of Housing and Urban Develo…
BREAKING: Standing Rock protesters win anti-pipeline victory, ruining 2016’s perfect misery streak
STANDING ROCK, ND — The Army Corp of Engineers has announced they will deny permits for the Dakota Access Pipeline, representing a victory for the Standing Rock protesters and a lone bright…
America is great again, so local man going to shit wherever he feels like it
OHIO – With thousands of Americans using the election of Donald Trump to justify the most atrocious kinds of behaviour, local man Derek Jensen says he now feels fully justified in defecatin…
America hopes famous actors are half as good at fighting real Nazis as they are fake ones
D.C. – As America’s emboldened Neo-Nazis emerge from the shadows, many of its citizens are turning to familiar faces to save them, Hollywood actors. “When it comes down to it, I’m not much …
Electoral College should vote Clinton, says man who would die first in ensuing civil war
CLEVELAND – The Electoral College should vote for Hillary Clinton on December 19th, says local man Eric Stoneleigh, who will be senselessly killed in the early hours of December 20th, if th…
President Obama pardons thanksgiving turkey instead of mentally handicapped death row inmate
This is the 8th consecutive year President Obama made the controversial choice.…
