WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than two weeks left in the White House, U.S. President Barack Obama was surprised to discover Congress would not be returning the $650 security deposit he gave …
U.S.
Jared Kushner named senior advisor to President based on ability to have sex with Ivanka
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A member of Donald Trump’s transition team revealed this week that son-in-law Jared Kushner will be named a senior advisor to the President, based on the fact that he possesses…
New York Times lists Canada as No. 1 place to boost their web traffic when mentioned
NEW YORK CITY – Citing our country’s friendly, yet susceptible people and our natural insecurity, The New York Times has described Canada as the number one country in the world to surge the…
President-elect Trump visited by, deports, three Christmas ghosts
MANHATTAN – President-elect Donald Trump has reported being visited by, and subsequently ordering the deportation of, the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come. The visitations…
Trump appoints Kanye West to Secretary of Caring About Black People
NEW YORK – After a meeting this week, followed by a flurry of rumours and speculation, U.S. President-elect Donald J. Trump has named Kanye West as Secretary of Caring About Black People. B…
America outraged at Russia: ‘manipulating foreign elections is our thing!’
Outrage in America this weekend as the CIA confirmed that Russia did in fact influence the results of the 2016 election. Not only is the US worried about it’s security, they are real…
Trump ‘thank you’ tour begins with stop at Macedonian fake news website
VELES – President-elect Donald Trump kicked off his tour to celebrate and thank the people who helped him get elected with a special stop at the Macedonian fake news website that had tricke…
Trump shatters racist image by giving Urban Development job to only black friend
NEW YORK – In a move that supporters insist shows he’s not the racist critics accuse him of being, U.S. President–elect Donald Trump has offered the nation’s Secretary of Housing and Urban Develo…
BREAKING: Standing Rock protesters win anti-pipeline victory, ruining 2016’s perfect misery streak
STANDING ROCK, ND — The Army Corp of Engineers has announced they will deny permits for the Dakota Access Pipeline, representing a victory for the Standing Rock protesters and a lone bright…
America is great again, so local man going to shit wherever he feels like it
OHIO – With thousands of Americans using the election of Donald Trump to justify the most atrocious kinds of behaviour, local man Derek Jensen says he now feels fully justified in defecatin…
