UNITED STATES – Despite the cryptic warning given by the one-eyed shopkeep, several months ago The United States used a monkey’s paw to wish for a proactive president, a wish they now regre…
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Obama finding it hard to fall asleep without sound of LBJ’s ghost bragging about its ghost dick
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After eight years of trying to sleep while the ghost of Lyndon Baines Johnson stalked up and down the Presidential bedroom, ranting about the size of its spectral phallus…
BREAKING: Statue of Liberty has begun fading from old photographs
NEW YORK – After Donald Trump signed an executive order banning all immigrants and refugees from several Muslim countries, sources across the country are reporting that the Statue of Libert…
Russian influence called into question after entire White House staff found wearing tracksuits
WASHINGTON – Russian influence over the White House is once again being called into question, after high-ranking members of staff were seen sporting new tracksuits. In response to the accusations…
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Washington, D.C. – Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. Trump T…
Trump cabinet unable to hide boners while signing anti-abortion order
WASHINGTON D.C. – Despite arranging themselves strategically around the oval office desk, and posturing their hands in a shielding fashion, Donald Trump and the majority of his cabinet were…
Don’t Judge Too Fast: this county only voted Trump so the Everkromm Tree would give their children back
Gasslin County, West Virginia must be full of bigots, because they overwhelmingly voted for Donald Trump in the 2016 election, right? Not so fast. In 2008 and 2012, over 60% of the county voted f…
Thousands of Canadian women bravely enter oppressive country ruled by despot
Yesterday thousands of Canadian women decided to leave the comfort of their feminist utopia and crossed the border into a newly minted foothold of fascism. “In Canada we take it for granted that …
America kicking itself for not inaugurating the guys from Duck Dynasty
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – Upon the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are just waking up to the fact that they could have installed anyone they wanted in office, up to and includ…
U.S. Joint Chiefs caught buying book on how to stage military coups
Only one day after Donald Trump’s inauguration, several members of the U.S. Joint Chiefs Of Staff were spotted today at a Washington area Barnes and Nobel purchasing a copy of “How To Stage…
