WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources inside the White House recently confirmed reports that President Donald Trump has been stealing Netflix by using former president Barack Obama’s account. The Obama…
U.S.
Trump proposes merit based immigration system rating potential citizens from “1” to “fuckable”
WASHINGTON, D.C – The Trump Administration has proposed a new merit-based immigration system that will award points to applicants. The system is modelled off the merit based systems used in…
Alex Jones banned from Facebook, YouTube, Apple just in the nick of 5 years too late
PALO ALTO, CA — Facebook, iTunes, YouTube, and Spotify have announced that they will drop Alex Jones’ broadcasts effective immediately, as part of an effort to do nothing whatsoever to prev…
Trump wondering how long he has to wait before offering Papa John cabinet position
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Sources within the Trump administration are reporting that the president has asked many of his top aides how long he has to pretend that he is not going to offer recently resign…
Eight year-old pretty sure her army dad is hiding in that cardboard box in the middle of school gymnasium
ST. LOUIS – Third grader Emily Harris is reporting a high degree of confidence that her father, who has been stationed in Afghanistan for almost 18 months, is hiding in that large, conspicuous bo…
Trump rescues separated immigrant children with jobs at Mar-a-Lago
PALM BEACH, FL – In a surprise contradiction to his conservative border policy, U.S. President Donald J. Trump has instructed law enforcement to release immigrant children that ICE had sepa…
History students 50 years from now pretty sure they would have helped hide immigrants
OTTAWA — History students studying at Sir Andrew Scheer High School in the year 2068 have all agreed that, had they been around during the Trump Years, they probably would have helped hide immigr…
Trump demands Scott Pruitt resignation citing insufficient corruption
WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump has demanded the resignation of EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, claiming Pruitt had not shown enough commitment to personal enrichment and graft. De…
Americans make odd choice to celebrate decision that led them to this point
AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, despite the fact that this decisio…
America just going to permanently leave flags at half-mast
AMERICA — In the wake of the latest mass shooting, the United States of America has collectively decided that it makes more sense to leave their flags at half-mast on an ongoing basis. “Low…
