TORONTO – At a press conference Toronto city councillors advised that the transformation of Toronto’s diverse neighbourhoods into a single grey monolith will be completed by 2025, instead o…
Toronto
Lotto 649 commercial features the dream of owning a 1 bedroom condo in Toronto
TORONTO – Lotto 649’s newest commercial showcases the dream of purchasing a fifth-floor condo somewhere in downtown Toronto. The 30-second clip features one lucky couple celebrating in an e…
Big, strong alt-right movement terrified of Jewish children
TORONTO – After a bomb threat was called into the Toronto Jewish Community Centre today, the alt-right has admitted that they view Jewish toddlers as the single largest threat to their phys…
John Tory raises transit funds by putting City Hall futon on Craigslist
TORONTO – After Premier Wynne rejected his plan to pay for transit infrastructure with road tolls, Mayor John Tory has been forced to raise funds by putting the City Hall futon on Craigslis…
Man who lives in PATH willing to guide topsider to Eaton Centre, for a price
TORONTO – One of the many residents of Toronto’s underground system of pedestrian walkways, ‘the PATH’, is willing to guide topsiders through the tunnels to the Eaton Centre, in return for …
Bombardier seeks injunction to keep on never delivering trains
TORONTO — Bombardier Inc. went to court on Friday to preserve its right to continue failing to deliver trains to Metrolinx. “If the Government of Ontario wanted us to stop trying to deliver…
New Ontario driver’s test includes post-structural philosophy, euclidean geometry
Barry’s Bay, ON – Ontarians looking to obtain their driver’s licenses will now be required to brush up on their semioticians, Derrida, and mathematics before they’re permitted to drive. Off…
Wynne kills Gardiner, DVP roads tolls in appeal to popular “Fuck Toronto” constituency
TORONTO – Premier Kathleen Wynne has pulled her support for Toronto City Council’s plan to implement road tolls on the Gardiner Expressway and Don Valley Expressway, choosing instead to ali…
York trustee who used n-word looks exactly like you imagined
WOODBRIDGE – The York Region District School Board was shocked and appalled to hear that one of their trustees used the n-word in a public response to a black mother. That was, until they h…
Toronto Police celebrate #BellLetsTalk by tasering, beating suspect with mental illness
TORONTO – Toronto Police Services have announced their participation in Bell Let’s Talk mental health campaign by kicking, punching, and tasering a suspect with schizophrenia. “It’s time th…
