The terrorists sent to Sochi from the northern Caucasus region of Russia, who want to establish an Islamic theocratic rule over their territory, apologized today for their lackluster performance …
Sports
European handball officially named world’s dirtiest sounding sport
OTTAWA – The Potential Euphemism and Non-intentional Innuendo Survey released a statement on Sunday, officially naming European handball as the world’s most suggestively named sport. “After…
Olympics update: HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY
SOCHI, RUSSIA – HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKE…
Man who doesn’t care about sports heroically boycotts Sochi Olympics
VICTORIA, B.C. – Striking a self-sacrificing blow for international gay rights, local non-sports fan Jamie Donaldson has been refusing to watch the Sochi Olympics. “It’s been really difficu…
International Olympic Committee admits there are no real rules to Curling
SOCHI – A controversial call during a recent match has revealed that nobody in the world actually knows what is up with Curling. What began as a simple inquiry about whether or not “offside” was …
Canadian women’s hockey team apologizes for comeback
SOCHI, RUSSIA – The Canadian women’s hockey team captured gold in a stunning overtime win over the Americans and promptly apologized for the comeback victory. “We’re real sorry …
Russian Olympic security apologizes in advance for Sidney Crosby’s concussion
SOCHI, RUSSIA – Sources inside the Russian security ministry are sending their deepest apologies to the Canadian Men’s Olympic Hockey team for the upcoming concussion soon-to-be sustained b…
Georges St-Pierre enjoying the best goddamn cup of coffee in his life
MONTREAL – Following his retirement, former UFC champion Georges St-Pierre was seen gently cupping the best god damn cup of coffee that he’s ever had in his whole life at a local brun…
Judging scandal gives tough guy excuse to talk about Olympic ice dancing
Sudbury, ON – Local bartender and former minor league hockey enforcer Jake Schmidt has been outraged by the alleged judge fixing in Sochi figure skating, in which the Russians have supposed…
