Team: Toronto Maple Leafs Mascot: An empty Platinum level seat 2013-14 Season: The Leafs managed to take the dramatic third period collapse in their Game 7 loss to the Bruins from the previous ye…
Sports
NFL to nation’s women: ‘Please stop letting our star players assault you’
NEW YORK – Citing the need to correct longstanding issues within its organization, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, along with coaches from across the country, pleaded with the nation’s wome…
Roger Goodell refuses to believe he saw Ray Rice video until he sees video of himself watching video
NEW YORK – In a press conference today, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell responded to reports suggesting he had seen the video of suspended running back Ray Rice punching his wife in an eleva…
Habs fans get 8 more years to scapegoat P.K. Subban
MONTREAL — Habs fans across social media erupted into cheers after the Montreal Canadiens signed a 8 year, $72 million deal with their favorite scapegoat, P.K. Subban. “Bergevin could not d…
Man late for meeting wins Honda Indy
TORONTO – Human Resources Director Tom Biddlesworth is the latest driver to win the Honda Indy after he found himself late for an important meeting across town. Using a series of last-minut…
WORLD CUP FINAL: German efficiency trumps whatever Argentina is known for
RIO DE JANEIRO – With a narrowly scored last-minute goal, the German World Cup team’s efficient and relentless play has triumphed over Argentina’s style, which was probably hot or spicy or …
Report: bleak reality waiting on other side of World Cup finals
BRASILIA – With the World Cup finals only hours away, the planet is slowly coming to the realization that the return to the blend of despair and panic that characterizes their ordinary, hol…
Exiled Nazis conflicted over Germany-Argentina World Cup matchup
RIO DE JANEIRO – The surviving members of Argentina’s once-extensive Nazi war criminal community find themselves torn over whom to cheer for in Sunday’s World Cup final between their adopted home…
Neymar injures 4th vertebrae after helping father carry heavy bags of cash
São Paulo, BRAZIL – Brazilian football sensation Neymar suffered another setback yesterday after the forward injured his fourth vertebrae helping his father carry large bags of cash. Neymar…
Eugenie Bouchard only one win away from not having to talk about whom she’d like to date
LONDON – On the heels of her decisive victory in Thursday’s Wimbledon semifinals, Canadian tennis star Eugenie Bouchard now finds herself only one win away from never having to answer questions a…
