MONTREAL – A year after becoming the first openly gay football player to be drafted by the NFL, defensive end Michael Sam has become just the latest in a long line of public anglophones inh…
Sports
Babcock joins Leafs in bid to show league winning isn’t everything
TORONTO – Former Detroit Red Wings coach Mike Babcock has signed with the Toronto Maple Leafs to demonstrate there’s more to professional hockey than just winning and making the playoffs. “There …
Patients wanting to reduce wait times for organs encouraged to buy NHL franchises
TORONTO – Following Eugene Melynk’s successful liver surgery, doctors are encouraging patients waiting for lifesaving organ donations to consider purchasing an NHL team, preferably one that…
Habs mascot Youppi publicly executed for the 10th year in a row
MONTREAL – An angry mob of Montreal Canadiens fans have carried out its 10th extrajudicial hanging, burning and quartering of its fuzzy orange mascot, Youppi! Condemned as a bad-luck charm …
Kentucky Derby won by brown horsey
LOUISVILLE – The 2015 Kentucky Derby has been won by a handsome pony with a beautiful mane and soft, shiny coat. “It was magical,” said NBC analyst Randy Moss. “The horsey was so fast and f…
Connor McDavid loses draft lottery
TORONTO – On the biggest stage of his young career Connor McDavid, the most hyped hockey prospect in a decade, was unable to will the top draft pick to an actual NHL team, and he will now b…
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Western Conference
The NHL’s Western Conference playoff action is about to heat up like a Maple Leafs player on a Florida golf course in mid-April. It’s part two of The Beaverton’s NHL Playoff Pre…
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Eastern Conference
As teams gear up for the annual playoff battle and the Leafs gear up for their annual schvitz, its time for The Beaverton‘s experts to break down the match ups, rivalries and action that wi…
Brendan Shanahan fires himself
Toronto – Fresh off of a wave of firings including interim head coach Peter Horachek , GM Dave Nonis, and the entire front office, Toronto Maple Leafs President Brendan Shanahan entered a b…
Foreign friend keeps calling it ice hockey
EDMONTON – Although he reported being generally happy that his English friend Simon had come for a visit, local man Carl Terrace did wish he would stop referring to our national obsession a…
