TORONTO – At their party convention this weekend, Ontario Progressive Conservatives passed a resolution concluding that there are only two genders: hard-working, business-owning, mortgage-paying …
Ontario
North Korean leader blushes at number of standing ovations in Ontario Legislature
PYONGYANG – North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un was reportedly blushing after watching so many standing ovations for Premier Doug Ford by the Ontario PC caucus during Question Period. After a b…
Take Your Kid to Work Day opportunity for students to avoid the mistakes of their parents
TORONTO – Across the province of Ontario, grade 9 students are experiencing the workplace firsthand for a lesson in avoiding the soul-sucking careers their parents currently occupy. “Son, d…
Dog eared copy of “The Fountainhead” appointed as Ontario’s assistant treasurer
QUEEN’S PARK — After a meteoric rise through Ontario’s progressive conservative party, A dog eared copy Ayn Rand’s 1943 novel The Fountainhead has become Ontario’s Associate Minister …
Ford announces new Ontario license plate slogan “washrooms are for customers only”
QUEEN’S PARK – Shortly after unveiling Ontario’s new “Open for Business” border signs, Premier Ford has announced that the province’s iconic “yours to discover” license plates will be discontinue…
TVO doesn’t want hallucinatory monster only visible to some to be associated with drugs
TORONTO – Following the appearance of a cannabis-themed parody mascot named Tokaroo at a recent legalization event, Ontario’s public broadcaster has sent a legal threat to the man behind th…
Leading by example: MPPs vote to lower their wages to $14/h, cut sick days
TORONTO – MPPs at Queen’s Park unanimously passed a bill that would match the same pay and benefits as minimum wage workers would receive in the rest of the province. “It’s just not fair th…
London’s new scratch ballots give voters 1/14 chance of picking mayoral candidate of their choice
LONDON, ON – Adding excitement of a cheap thrill of gambling to voting, the city of London is carrying out its first election with its new Scratch-n-Vote balloting system. The local governm…
Ontario PCs warn dealing pot could land you 4 years in Queens Park
TORONTO – With the imminent legalization of pot next week, Ontario’s provincial government has released new ads warning that illegal sales of pot could land them four years as a Premier. “T…
Ontario’s financial plan revealed to be stack of lotto tickets
TORONTO – Concerns about the budgeting focus of Ontario’s PC government were brought to the forefront again this morning, when it was revealed that the province’s financial plan consists la…
