MENLO PARK – The Beaverton has just confirmed that the body of billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has just been discovered in a pile of thousands of writhing, mating squirrels. The chairman and CE…
Obituaries
Rush Limbaugh slams Satan for his liberal bias
ETERNAL FLAMING REALM OF HELL – Having recently passed away from lung cancer, Rush Limbaugh, upon arriving in Satan’s land of eternal punishment, immediately lambasted the Prince of D…
Quaker Oats announces that Cap’n Crunch has died as the result of auto-erotic asphyxiation
CHICAGO – Quaker Oats informed the public today that Cap’n Crunch, the cheerful cereal mascot who has been delighting children since 1963, is dead as a result of accidentally hanging himsel…
Charles Koch unfortunately still alive
WICHITA, KS – Charles Koch, the billionaire industrialist and climate-change denier whose political machinations are credited with fomenting America’s current fractious political climate an…
Houseplant dead at three weeks
VICTORIA B.C. — The Collier family have announced with great sadness the passing of their household purple orchid, a mere three weeks after buying it. “Though we did our best to give it a home, o…