MCMASTER UNIVERSITY — The Ontario Progressive Conservatives have released an apology to young party activists Tuesday, after organizers of a youth rally used violence, intimidation and the …
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Ministry of Finance’s unpaid interns struggling to stimulate economy
OTTAWA – Unpaid interns at the Ministry of Finance say they are “at their wits’ end” on how to kickstart Canada’s stagnant economy. “We’ve tried everything,” said 26-year-old intern Derek M…
UPDATE: Nation currently demanding 56th encore from Tragically Hip
KINGSTON, ON – Unable to accept that The Tragically Hip will never again play another song, the entire nation of Canada is requesting that the Canadian rock legends come back out on stage t…
Government mandates foyer in every building after pressure from lobbyists
OTTAWA – Yielding to demands of lobby groups, the Trudeau government has passed legislation that requires all constructed dwellings in Canada to have a clearly defined waiting area. “It’s 2016,” …
Shirtless Stephen Harper photobombs Calgary couple’s wedding, 5 dead
CALGARY – Tragedy struck a Calgary wedding yesterday evening when five people were killed and a dozen injured after former prime minister Stephen Harper decided to make a candid, topless ap…
Reconciliation: Trudeau shares 30 seconds of intense eye contact with every First Nations person
OTTAWA – After nearly 150 years of colonialism and cultural genocide, Canada is mending fences by granting every First Nations person in the country 30 seconds of intimate eye-contact with …
Kathleen Wynne boosts Ontario economy with province-wide two-drink minimum
ONTARIO – In an attempt to ensure a new cash flow for the provincial government, Premier Kathleen Wynne has implemented a new policy forcing Ontarians to have two alcoholic beverages at all…
Justin Trudeau waits in dark cave for attractive enough family to walk past
GATINEAU, QC – In an attempt to further endear himself to the nation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is waiting in a dark cave for a family he deems beautiful enough to deserve to take a pho…
Marooned Minister of Fisheries hurls bottle stuffed with legislation into the Atlantic
DESERTED ISLAND – After rolling up the pages and saying a short prayer, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans, Dominic LeBlanc, has thrown what may be his final bill into the ocean in hopes that…
Husky reassures Saskatchewan environmentalists that wildlife will evolve to take 91 octane
CALGARY – Husky Energy has reassured environmental groups that local wildlife will evolve to refine and use the crude spilled in the North Saskatchewan River at a level above that of regula…
