TERROR BAY, NT – Two years after the first ship from the failed 1845 Franklin expedition was discovered, researchers in Nunavut have found the wreckage of the HMS Terror, along with three s…
National
Post resignation, Stephen Harper impersonator finds work as cadaver
CALGARY – Only a few weeks after Stephen Harper retired from his seat in Parliament, local lookalike Leonard Furlong has landed work as a lifeless corpse. “I knew he was leaving office and I was …
Report: Ontario Liberal throne speech somehow $120 million over budget
TORONTO – The Ontario Liberals attempt turn a new page with Ontarians hit a snag today after they somehow spent $120 million more than intended on the announcement for their Throne Speech. …
Phoenix pay system makes generous $1.5 billion charitable donation with unpaid public servants salaries
OTTAWA – After kicking off the Government Charitable Workplace Campaign for all public servants, the Public Service Commission has announced that new Phoenix Pay System has made a very cons…
This November: The News Arrives
The Beaverton news team is coming to Comedy this November. For more follow: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeaverton/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheBeaverton Instagram: https://www.insta…
Unpaid intern to replace Peter Mansbridge as host of The National
TORONTO – Following Peter Mansbridge’s announcement that he will be retiring as host of The National in 2017, CBC has announced that they will be filling the role with an unpaid internship.…
Mansbridge retirement leaves nation’s mothers with precious few remaining sexual fantasies
TORONTO – Peter Mansbridge’s announcement that he will be retiring in July 2017 have left the middle-aged mothers of Canada with even fewer celebrities about which to sexually fantasize. “H…
Ontario government successfully prepares generation of children who don’t know if $300 billion debt big or small
TORONTO – The emergence of EQAO test results that show half of grade 6 students failing to meet the provincial math standard has prompted the Ontario government to reveal their plan to rais…
Nation’s teachers desperately try to finish lesson plans night before school starts
OTTAWA – Having failed to realize the first day of class was coming up so quickly, Canada’s teachers spent last night desperately trying to finish their lesson plans and assignment schedule…
‘Too bad it’s against the law to ball-gag Brian Jean,’ lament Albertans
EDMONTON – Many Albertans expressed disappointment that it would be a criminal offence to ball-gag Wildrose Leader Brian Jean for the rest of his life to avoid making violent, misogynist jo…
