OAKVILLE, ON – Releasing it hot on the heels of Starbucks’ multi-coloured Unicorn Frappuccino, Tim Hortons has announced its own Instagram-ready drink: a cup filled with neon paint. T…
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Rex Murphy safely re-enters Ontario after snapping turtle hunt permanently banned
CORNWALL, ON – After years of living in fear of being shot at by ubiquitous snapping turtle hunters, Rex Murphy can finally enter Canada’s most populous province again following a decision …
75% of Canada 150 budget spent on hiding worst parts of national history
OTTAWA – After rejecting most of the proposed Canada 150 projects in March, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau explained today that the majority of the anniversary budget had already been earmar…
Newfoundland sunk after collision with iceberg
HALIFAX – Four hours after a striking a massive iceberg, the Province of Newfoundland has sunk off the coast of Labrador leaving an unknown number of survivors. All contact was lost with Ca…
Trump’s Canadian dairy criticism forces federal government to declare CHEESECON 1
OTTAWA – US President Donald Trump’s threat of imposing sanctions against the Canadian dairy industry has caused the federal government to increase the cheese threat to its highest level, C…
Report: CBC’s ‘Canada: A Story of Us’ unfairly excludes giant banana in Melita, MB
MELITA, MB – Adding to a mounting number of complaints against CBC’s historical docu-drama, the Manitoba town of Melita has criticized ‘Canada: A Story of Us’ for ignoring the history behin…
Christ sees shadow, predicts 6 more weeks of Easter
JERUSALEM – After spending three days sheltered in his underground tomb, Jesus Christ, Our Lord in Heaven, saw His shadow, which means six more weeks of Easter. “Here he comes, here he come…
Millennials turn to grave robbing as more Baby Boomers storing wealth in pyramids for afterlife
Memphis, TN – Millennials are turning to grave robbing and tomb raiding to make ends meet as an ever-increasing number of Baby Boomers attempt take their accumulated wealth with them into t…
Paul Gross reflects on the horrors of his disappointing WW1 movie at Vimy Ridge ceremony
VIMY, FRANCE – Veteran Canadian actor Paul Gross recalled the horrors of Passchendaele (the film) and the effects of disappointing an audience at the ceremonies celebrating the 100th annive…
If elected Prime Minister, Kevin O’Leary vows to visit Canada at least 4 times per year
BOSTON — Conservative party leader hopeful and Bostonian Kevin O’Leary says that if elected Prime Minister, he promises to come back to Canada at least 4 times a year. “I hope to get more i…
