EDMONTON – Expressing their appreciation for the purchasing the controversial Trans Mountain Pipeline, the Alberta government said thanks by complaining about how much Quebec, Manitoba, Nov…
National
Tragedy strikes as Marineland trainer killed by captive human being
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Disaster struck at one of Canada’s leading wildlife parks today, as yet another trainer was killed by the park’s star human being, Dave. “It seemed like everything was g…
Canada cuts out middleman in US trade war by negotiating directly with Putin
MOSCOW – The Canadian government has relocated its NAFTA trade negotiations to Russia, a diplomatic maneuver that will eliminate US President Donald Trump as a middleman. Five Canadian memb…
Immigration Minister apologizes to Ontario, admits being a dick to refugees is very Canadian
OTTAWA – After an incident in which he called Ontario’s new attitude to asylum-seekers “not Canadian” federal Immigration Minister Ahmed Hussen has issued a formal apology, admitting that treatin…
Study: Anglo Canadian culture revealed just to be a series of brand loyalties
Hamilton, ON- A decade long study at McMaster University has found what many anthropologists have long suspected: that the sole feature of Anglo Canadian culture is identifying with certain brand…
Nation’s retail sales associates just want you to know “That’s a GREAT colour on you, hun!”
OTTAWA, ON – As summer quickly descends upon us, prompting the need for crop tops and breathable fabrics, the nation’s retail sales associates have banded together to make sure you know tha…
Heroic activists convince sexually-harassed woman to come forward by regular-harassing her
OTTAWA – New ground was broken for women in Canada this week, after a team of heroic journalists and politicians convinced a woman groped by the Prime Minister to publicly identify herself follow…
Report: Fake CRA scamming Canadians much better at collecting taxes than real CRA
OTTAWA – A recent Auditor General report indicates that India-based scam artists posing as the Canada Revenue Agency are much better at collecting tax revenue than the real CRA. “Their tech…
Canadian Mint running dangerously low on shit to print on quarters
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint declared a state of crisis this week, announcing that they have nearly run out of ideas for pictures to print on the quarter. “The mint has a proud history …
Aging Canada tells everyone it’s turning 150 again
OTTAWA – Leading up to its July 1st birthday, Canada has been telling people that it is turning 150 for a second year in a row out of fear that it will be thought of as “that gross old coun…
