VANCOUVER – A judge has granted Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou bail under the condition that she turns on her phone’s track location setting where she will be carefully followed like an ordinary, …
National
As winter arrives, nation prepares to get so fucking cozy
OTTAWA – With the winter months here, Canadians across the country are making preparations to get so cozy, you don’t even know. “Oh man, I’m going to make winter my bitch this year,” said Calgary…
Frontrunning bid to build Canadian warships consisted of flipbook of stills from Speed 2: Cruise Control
OTTAWA – Taxpayer groups and competing defence contractors alike are calling foul after it was revealed Lockheed Martin’s bid for a $60 billion contract to build Canada’s next generation of…
GM asks for another bailout to improve efficiency of lay-off process
OSHAWA, ON – General Motors Canada is asking the federal and provincial governments for another financial bailout to help the corporation to terminate employment for thousands of Canadians …
Liberals propose generous “Eat Shit and Die” bill to striking Canada Post union
OTTAWA – Citing her party’s strong support for organized labour and workers’ rights, Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Labour Patty Hajdu tabled the generous “Eat Shit and D…
Health Canada announces it will cover treatment for Canadians forced to imagine Tony Clement sexting
OTTAWA – Following the news that MP and former Health Minister Tony Clement is stepping down from his role as shadow Justice Minister due to a sexting scandal, Health Canada has announced i…
Thousands of Canadians remind their one American friend on Facebook to vote
WINNIPEG – Scores of Canadians on social media have reminded their only American friend that they should vote in the US midterm election if they haven’t already. “Just in case you didn̵…
Facing loud, violent neighbour, Canada moves to a safer continent
OTTAWA – Making good on its promise to live in a better neighbourhood, the second largest country in the world has made the move out of the North America. Canada packed up its 10 million sq…
100% of Canada’s Halloween candy suddenly eaten today
OTTAWA – For reasons as yet unknown, the nation has abruptly consumed every last piece of Halloween candy, almost two weeks before trick-or-treating is set to commence, succumbing to an acu…
Dozens die in cannabis legalization joke overdoses
OTTAWA – Dozens of Canadians are reportedly dead and thousands of others have been hospitalized after consuming a deadly amount of cannabis-related jokes immediately after pot became legal.…
