OTTAWA – A recent study by the University of Ottawa Department of Gerontology has suggested that the average Canadian who has been following the federal election campaign puts an average 36…
National
Tomorrow’s election prompts louder, more impassioned uninformed opinions
OTTAWA – With tomorrow’s federal election looming, the nation’s friends, co-workers, and family members are going head-to-head with passionate opinions based on absolutely zero …
Millions of votes thrown away under first-past-the-post system create massive ocean garbage patch
VICTORIA – Experts are bracing for a fresh deluge of unused votes from Canada’s federal election to make their way to the ocean and wreak havoc on marine life. “First-past-the post is a ver…
Beaverton Election Special to reveal who will secure the crucial Beaverton endorsement
Toronto – Producers of beloved satirical website and international television phenomenon The Beaverton announced today that they would be revealing which party had secured the coveted Beave…
Conservative platform promises to only cut 2 provinces
OTTAWA — With Andrew Scheer’s Conservatives finally releasing their electoral platform, the plan has promised to cut “no more than 2 Canadian provinces”. The CPC platform, released last Fri…
Elections Canada unveils new ‘voting against’ ballot
OTTAWA – Canadian voters will now be able to cast a ballot against the political parties and candidates that they do not want to see in government just in time for election day, says Electi…
Update: Canadians lucky US Presidential endorsement of Canadian political leader didn’t involve drone strikes
OTTAWA – Canadians familiar with US regime change in foreign countries are breathing a sigh of relief after former US President Barack Obama endorsed Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau without b…
5 great excuses for not voting in the Federal election, you piece of shit
OTTAWA – The Federal election is upon us, and projections show that the Millennial demographic wields considerable power to decide the future Prime Minister. You’re going to need a better excuse …
Putin impressed Canadian voters don’t need help spreading disinformation
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin was impressed at Canadian voters initiative to misinform themselves without the aid of a foreign power. Putin was more than happy not to have lifte…
Communist Party candidate forced to resign after photos reveal him reading Ayn Rand
OTTAWA – A Communist Party of Canada candidate was forced to resign after photos were released of him reading Atlas Shrugged as a university student. Fred Buck, a candidate for the Ottawa r…
