VIA Rail relieved they don’t have to use bullshit ‘passing freight train’ excuse for late trains BELLVILLE, ON – VIA Rail has expressed relief that now they have a legitim…
National
Trudeau slides into African Union’s DMs
ADDIS ABABA – A flirtatious Justin Trudeau has slid into the DMs of the African Union’s Instagram account while on a charm offensive throughout the continent. “Heeeeey, you seem familiar, d…
Harry fired from temp job after giving too many inspirational speeches at drive thru window
VICTORIA – The Duke of Sussex’s employment at a local Tim Hortons was terminated today after he repeatedly gave customers long, uplifting speeches about their important role in society. The…
Military’s procurement of generic snow shovel 10 years late, $6 billion over budget
OTTAWA – The Department of National Defence’s procurement process to replace its aging snow shovels has been further delayed while the cost has inflated to over $6 billion. The military has…
Rex Murphy parachuted into Australian wildfires to deny climate change
SYDNEY – Postmedia columnist and professional old man Rex Murphy has been parachuted into Australia’s massive forest where support for denying climate change and doing nothing about it has …
New charity helps royal immigrants integrate into Canada’s high society
TORONTO – In response to the Prince and Princess of Sussex relocation of Canada, a new charity has been established to help the pair as well as other royals better integrate into Canada’s u…
Unskilled foreigners seek move to Canada
OTTAWA – A British and American couple, both unemployed, are seeking to emigrate to Canada despite having no real skills to offer the country, early reports indicate. British and American m…
Bearded Justin Trudeau revealed to be evil doppelganger, Trustin Judeau
OTTAWA — After a post-holiday Instagram post featuring a bearded Prime Minister Justin Trudeau caused a media stir, the subject of the photo was actually revealed to be Trudeau’s evil twin,…
US Customs conduct 8 hour interrogation on Persian rug
BLAINE, WA – U.S. Customs and Border Protection Services have detained a Persian rug as it attempted to enter the US at the Peace Arch Crossing along the BC-Washington border. US border age…
Canada’s military advisers unsure if they should be training Iraqi army to fight ISIS, Iran, or US
BAGHDAD – Canadian soldiers deployed on a NATO mission training Iraqi troops are now unsure whether they are preparing Iraq to fight ISIS, Iran, or the United States. The deployment of 250 …
