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National
Canada only finds Arctic interesting, attractive when someone else wants it
In light of the American and Russian advances towards the Arctic, Canada has suddenly realized how much the Arctic means to it. With thinning of sea ice, the leaner and sexier version of the Cana…
Harper responds to Trudeau’s marijuana use by admitting he once didn’t use bike helmet since becoming PM
OTTAWA – After Justin Trudeau admitted to smoking pot while he was an MP, Prime Minister Stephen Harper confessed today that he once failed to take proper safety measures while riding his b…
Harper prorogues parliament to catch up on Breaking Bad, Mad Men
WHITEHORSE – Prime Minister Harper announced today that he will be proroguing Parliament until October so he can get up to speed with his favorite AMC television shows. “This has been a grueling …
University of Ottawa‘s School of Government delayed with missing paperwork, long lines
OTTAWA – The University of Ottawa’s has been forced to delay the opening its faculty of governance studies due to the bureaucratic process. “Despite our foresight to build a national, non-p…
Ezra Levant upset government will not subsidize his rants against government subsidies
TORONTO – Sun News media commentator and conservative activist Ezra Levant is disappointed that his regular editorials against government funding various programs and services will not be s…
Ottawa reminds nation that ‘veterans’ are not mentioned in ‘Support our Troops’
OTTAWA – After federal government lawyers argued that the government has no social obligation to veterans, the Minister of Veteran Affairs clarified that the term “veteran” was not contained in t…
Alberta fisherman lands 300 pound ball of tar
LAKE ATHABASCA, AB – After hours of fruitless waiting, Alberta fisherman Darren Rose’s patience was rewarded by the “once-in-a-lifetime” catch of a compacted mass of bitumen sand and fish s…
Feet numb with pride in Winnipeg as city is named World Slurpee Capital
WINNIPEG – 7-11 has crowned Winnipeg as the Slurpee Capital of the World for the 14th time in a row, making citizens’ feet and hands tingle with joy. “This is a big day for our city” mayor Sam Ka…
Nation’s Uncles demand to know who farted
CANADA – Detecting a “funky smell coming from under the table”, the nation’s uncles unanimously resolved to determine which of their thirty three million nieces and nephews “let that one ri…
