CALGARY – CN has declared that the recent spate of train derailments stem from the overtraining and high talent level of the drivers. “Part of the problem is our train conductors are …
National
Canadians celebrate remembering the only poem they’ve ever read
OTTAWA – Canadians are celebrating Remembrance Day by remembering that time they read a poem once. “Reading In Flanders Fields is a profoundly patriotic experience for Canadians,” said Dr. Julia …
Trudeau will host slumber party for next fundraising event
OTTAWA – After disappointing some attendees at last night’s fundraiser gala, Justin Trudeau has assured that a slumber party is the next big event for his loyal female fan-base. “I kn…
PQ government demands immigrants learn french so they understand xenophobic insults
QUÉBEC – Quebec Premier Pauline Marois and the Minister Bernard Drainville, have mandated that all newcomers learn french so that they can comprehend the bigoted slanders made against them.…
BREAKING – Police recover video of Vancouver Mayor smoking what appears to be salmon
VANCOUVER – Following months of speculation, Vancouver Police Chief Jim Chu held a press conference today where he confirmed the existence of a cell phone video taken months ago, on which V…
Spooky Harper government opens haunted House of Commons
OTTAWA – Lineups have already begun to form in front of the Parliament buildings after Prime Minister Harper’s midnight announcement that the terrifying haunted House of Commons would…
Stephen Harper loses virginity
OTTAWA – After a wild night of tea and overly competitive Boggle, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper retired to his residence at 24 Sussex Drive with his wife Laureen, where he made lov…
Mulcair discovers that he is too bearded to approach children in park
KANATA — After a very awkward 5 minutes in a Kanata playground, Thomas Mulcair came to the realization that his beard disturbs families and scares children. “Well,” a forlorn Mu…
Harper confident scandal will soon be resolved now that Duffy’s health benefits cut
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated that the ongoing Senate scandal will soon disappear now that Senator Mike Duffy’s health benefits have been removed. “Call it a hunch” Harper s…
Canada, EU reach free trade deal after Dave eats nation’s supply of Brie cheese
BRUSSELS – Canada and the European Union have signed a historic free trade agreement, which resupply Canadian fridges after Dave ate all of country’s Brie cheese. “Canadians will be relieve…
