WAINFLEET, ON – A small town’s only fire truck was trapped in a local Canada Day Parade as it attempted to respond to a fire that was sparked at a nearby business. Volunteer firefighters go…
Local
Study: tea bag string dropping into hot water God’s way of saying “Fuck you, Darryl”
PARIS — Researchers from France have confirmed that when your tea bag string falls into a hot cup of water, little paper tab and all, it is God’s very personal way of saying “Yeah guess wha…
Woman with freezer full of overripe bananas dies never having made banana bread
UXBRIDGE, ON – Maureen Gibson, passed away at the age of 87 this Monday surrounded by loved ones and a freezer full of bananas she had been meaning to make into banana bread. “I’ve lived a …
Couple hoping board game night won’t turn into orgy again
ST. CATHARINES, ON – Opening a bottle of wine and selection of cheeses for a semi-regular gathering between friends, a local couple is dreading the possibility that this evening’s board gam…
DEVELOPING: Woman who said “Long story short” still fucking talking
ETOBICOKE- At 8:39pm, local woman Sofia Cara entered into a conversation with neighbour Jennifer Moore that has yet to end. “I knew at minute twenty one, when she said ‘long story shortR…
Amazing! Meet the vigilante garbage man who goes after the trash the city won’t touch!
In the city of Toronto, it’s estimated that only about 50% of waste is disposed of properly. It is believed this is mainly due to some of it being too hard to reach or too high profile to take ou…
National Post columnist retires to spend more time being snide with his family
TORONTO – After a long, fulfilling career as a screed-writer for one of Canada’s newspapers of note, columnist Eustace Tibbs has retired to spend more time disparaging his children. “I’m fo…
Man wins Facebook argument by being last to post in thread
AURORA, ON – A local man is declaring victory after being the last person to post in a heated debate on a news story post to Facebook. The debate began Saturday morning at 10:12 AM when Nia…
Family raises stolen pint glass to honour man who taught them how to not look drunk
OTTAWA – The children of the Cartwright family are raising a stolen pint glass this father’s day, to celebrate the man who taught them how to look not drunk. “You really can never tell with…
Wildrose Party to allow LGBTQ staffers to celebrate identity as sinners
EDMONTON – In response to party supporters criticizing a gay staffer for participating in an Edmonton Pride parade, the Wildrose Party has announced that staff will be allowed to celebrate …
